The ranks of filthy, murderous orks stopped and stared in brutish puzzlement at the equally extensive company of Guardian readers who were sitting, perched up in the trees of Fangorn.
‘Occupy Fangorn!’ shouted one, ‘Save our forests!’ shouted another.
It seemed, though Saruman, that there was never any end to the liberal protesters.
If things carried on like this, you would soon see complaining Guardian readers popping up in every single Epic Fantasy classic.
It was the thin end of the wedge!
They had already pestered the poor old white Witch of Narnia, complaining about animal rights or something.
Little did the white wizard know, but their comrades had already made their way over to Helm’s Deep, to petition Théoden to let his niece fight in battle.
They were ruining every single decent plot line and something had to be done about it.
He urged his ugly soldiers on and they hacked the forest apart, activists flung themselves recklessly at the orks, apparently muttering something about common stewardship of the forests.
Even as the last of them were dragged off one could still hear complaints about environmental destruction.