David Cameron has today claimed that Britain must stay on the path to recovery, by sticking with its long-term economic plan. The prime minister said: “This government has done great work to wipe poor people off the face of the earth. This Conservative-led government has courageously used falsified statistics and social cleansing to achieve this noble goal. But we have not finished yet. It’s vital that we don’t abandon this plan and return to the chaos of…erm…social justice”.
Another leading Conservative spokesman said: “You don’t tax your way to growth. It’s far healthier for society’s riches to be stored in Swiss bank accounts and occasionally wheeled out to buy a yacht or two, safely out of reach of those envious great-unwashed, than to have that money invested in schools or hospitals”.
Having said this, he helpfully supplied a few pics of Ed Miliband eating a whole range of tricky foods, saying: “Let’s talk about the real issues”.